Quiet Time with Jesus – Confronting My Anxiety

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer on 15 July 2016, I was stunned. The world came to a standstill. I felt lost and helpless. Although I have seen friends suffer and die from cancer, I was not prepared to fight the battle.

Suddenly, there was an overload of information (including contradicting ones released out of good intention). Another challenge that I faced was the financial burden of unknown medical fees (surgical and hospitalization, specialist consultation and chemotherapy).

Suddenly, the hospital administration office called me to top-up our deposit of $5,000 with another $12,000 because the hospital bill was already $25,000 and would increase. The final hospital bill was $33,000.

Suddenly, fear crept in and started to take over my thoughts, feelings and behavior. “Will my savings be depleted because of this illness?” I kept asking God.

I am not a lover of money but I have saved for rainy days. The fear of the lack of money became a giant in my mind. I had to fight this giant!

Anxious thoughts were running wild – ridiculous visions of poverty and loneliness – entirely from a mind captured by the spirit of fear and anxiety. But, God is good. He never left me alone… For days and nights, my mind was fighting the giant – searching for the cure for cancer. Finally, I let go because it was too much for me. I couldn’t analyze the facts any more. They didn’t make sense - a friend gave me a book to read and the contents kept pointing out that we were doing all the wrong things! It was too late to stop treatment! My friend said, “The book is for you.” I had thought, “You mean I’m going to get cancer too!” Thoughts, emotions and behavior were out of control. We must forgive people who utter ungrateful words when they are sick or their loved one is sick. May God watch over them and guide them on the road to recovery and restoration. Amen!

Some people did the ‘right’ thing that helped me and some people did the ‘wrong’ thing. Some people released words of encouragement and some shared horror stories that terrified me.

So, how did I handle it? I really don’t know. I just know that God is in control. I just live one day at a time, speaking to God, speaking to God, and speaking to God. I kept calling to God for mercy. And our merciful God allowed me to suffer for a while… then He showed up – always at the RIGHT TIME. When the insurance company honoured my husband’s claim, we rejoiced and gave thanks. When my husband’s cousin rang our doorbell with 12 bottles of fish essence – precisely what I wanted to buy that day – we rejoiced and give thanks. And we shared our testimony of God’s goodness and grace at every opportunity.

My husband’s wound had refused to heal but thank God there was a machine called ‘ActiVAC’ which cost about $1,460 (not claimable from insurance). It was very costly but worth it. I was grateful that there was a solution – something that could make the wound heal quickly. Without such a machine, I think the wound would still heal but over a prolonged period of time and suffering. 

I was traumatized when I first watched the nurse flush out the wound at the clinic. I had to watch every step so that I could do the same at home! I appreciate nurses. I respect them. I honour them. I thank God for nurses. They are so professional, confident and fearless!

Day by day, we prayed and prayed. My husband had suffered from loss of appetite and weight but not his hair. Thank God! He had lost the sense of taste and could not enjoy his food but he did not feel nauseous. Thank God! He lost weight but not hope. Thank God! We just pressed in, persevered in prayer, believing and trusting God to heal. Finally, the day came when I decided to declare complete healing – 17 March 2018.

I had felt like I was writing the last chapter of a book – a closure, a conclusion – a happy ending and I felt a great sense of peace.

The Bible verses that I kept declaring were:

Isaiah 53:5

He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds Peter is healed.

1 Peter 2:24

He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds Peter has been healed. 

I kept declaring that my husband is being healed and will be completely healed.

On 20 March 2018 (20 months from the 1st surgery and diagnosis of colon cancer), my husband Peter Nio was completely healed. 

I thank God for His amazing grace and mercy. Today, my husband weighs 65 kg which is his normal weight. He is happy and eating well. He is as agile as before. Blood tests results on 15 March 2018 were all ‘normal’ – Praise the LORD!

I updated all my prayer partners and thanked God for His mercy. He has answered our prayers. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God!                                                                                                               

I hereby declare:

Jesus is our Lord and Saviour, Healer and Provider. God is LOVE! And He loves us with an everlasting love!

Amen!

Lam Yee Ling